Trapped In The Cage With Nicolas Cage

Have you ever wanted to get married, but your partner has commitment issues? Did you partner pawn you off for a passionate weekend in Hawaii with James Caan? Have you ever spent two hours watching a movie where the titular event never actually happens? Well, good God, you have issues. Also, you might actually be Nicolas Cage from Honeymoon in Vegas. Nice to see you again, Mr. Cage. Can I take you jacket? NO MISTER CAGE STOP ASSAILING ME WITH YOUR TENEBROUS ENERGY TENTACLES ARRRRGLGLGLGL