I'm Hella Silly, Joe

Listen Joe, You really do think that you’ll never turn into your parents. That is until the time comes when you start living on your own and have roommates. Then all of a sudden, you turn into your mom and dad and start saying the same stuff they do. The same stuff that you avoided doing became the same stuff that you began to complain about when it wasn’t done. Listen Joe, no lie, I turned into my mom when I went to college.

Listen Joe, my Mom was the first gangster to use emoji’s. For real. I’m not lying’ Joe, she used to draw the Grim Reaper on Post-It notes to warn us of our impending doom if we didn’t straighten up. She would draw a skull and cross bones along with RIP tombs. Man I promise you she wasn’t joking when she did it either. She had a plan. No warnings. No talking. Emoji’s. On Post-It notes. And you wonder why I’m scared of her. She knew how to use emoji’s before they became a word. Now that I have kids, I’m known to use the same emoji’s. But why don’t they have a Grim Reaper emoji?

Listen to me Joe, no lie, me and Reese used to do Tina’s boyfriends like that scene from Bad Boys 2 where Martin and Will intimidate the young dude. For reals. That scene is in this episode but listen to how Reese and I used to strategic play these mind games with her boyfriends. I think we messed her up for getting dates after these tactics. That’s what we do!! We’re brothers man, c’mon now Joe!

Joe listen, we almost got a can opened on me and my brother by 50 girls. Joe, no lie. My brother Reese and I had this deal with Tina: ANYBODY messes with you and they’ll have to deal with The Reinforcement. Well….. We weren’t expecting a gang of women.

Man listen Joe, we used to do some bogus things as kids to our Mom. I swear this stuff is coming back to haunt me now that I have kids. Listen to some of the stories to get an idea.

Joe, you already know how I do on Halloween night. I get ignant. Yes, that’s right - ignant. My boy Mike and I decided to go out Halloween 2008 on some shenanigans and Tomfoolery. He went as Rob Blagojevich (during his term as Illinois governor selling the Illinois senate seat). I went as Lil Jon (YEAH! WHAT! OKAYYY!!). Let’s just say after a few Long Island’s, shots and beers that we shut the night down and then needed to be shut down ourselves.

Man listen Joe, I’m going to tell you about the time I was on a road trip down South to see my brother and I almost got caught up by them down South Dragnet cops. Yo these cops ain’t no joke son. When they want to get you, they gon’ get you.

Joe you already know it goes down when the boys have a night on the town. Listen son, we got ignant (that’s right, not ignorant - ignant). Let me tell you about my encounter with a 6’8” 300lbs black dude who wanted to annihilate me and how we almost got caught up by Round Lake PD at 3am. Oh you already know Joe, it was litty.

Man Joe, in high school, me and Ray were heathens son!! We did some ridiculousness before the show (Ridiculousness) even came out. Listen about the time we faked kidnapped my brother as he was walking home. The result is priceless.

Joe for real, I’ve had some madness happen to me over the years and I’ve gotten myself in some sticky situations. Here’s what happened after I left the bar with a few work friends and found out that I needed gas. Yes. Gas. Just a simple pump and pay. Right? Wrong. Listen to what transpired.

Joe listen, what you know about having a good time on Halloween with the adults? This episode right here talks about how me and Dirty D always hit our hot spot which is the bars on Rush and Division in downtown Chicago for Halloween weekend. This episode goes into the time him and I played the part of two iconic Chicago Bears personnel. Dirty D was Lovie Smith and I played Devin Hester and it got real in the field. The field of the bar scene. Oh… you don’t know? Let me fill you in.

Man Joe, me and John had many MANY escapades back in the day. Let me tell you about the time John ghot free drinks for falling and hitting the floor. I also have a bonus story about me and J getting into it with these 6’8” Polish dudes that wanted to cave our heads over a parking spot. Oh it gets ill Joe!!

Joe this episode is a good one!! I tell you about the time I got into an altercation with a fellow teammate on a bus ride from a road gme. It got real when we got into a fist fight and I had to use my feet to end the fight. But it’s not about just using my feet. It’s about WHAT the shoes I was wearing. Why is this significant? Because I had to write a letter of apology to my principal and I just had to note the shoes I was wearing during the fight. Moronic? Yes. Effective? Oh no. Listen to what happened.

Man Joe, you need to hear about the time John and I got caught up at the strip club. Let’s just say he had $200 cash, blew all of that and then tried to withdraw more from an ATM to almost get us kicked out of the club.

No lie Joe, I used to be good at being able to replicate my mom’s signature on any document. I used to practice her signature everyday. It was like young criminal minds!! Well one day I put that skill to the test. Forging her signature to a detention sheet that I received from school. The forgery part wasn’t hard at all. It was the part when it was time to sneak out of the house. THAT was the challenge. Listen to what happened when I was about 8 years old and tried to leave the house 20 minutes early.