How To Become A Federal Criminal: An Illustrated Handbook For The Aspiring Offender

Try it Now Firm without compromise. Cancel whenever you want.


“Somebody with credentials has combed through a mountain of boring literature, highlighted all the ticklish parts and served them up for appreciation. This is an excellent book for people who like to start sentences with ‘Did you know that…’” —The New York Times

A hilarious, entertaining, and illuminating compendium of the most bizarre ways you might become a federal criminal in America—from mailing a mongoose to selling Swiss cheese without enough holes—written and illustrated by the creator of the wildly popular @CrimeADay Twitter account.

Have you ever clogged a toilet in a national forest? That could get you six months in federal prison. Written a letter to a pirate? You might be looking at three years in the slammer. Leaving the country with too many nickels, drinking a beer on a bicycle in a national park, or importing a pregnant polar bear are all very real crimes, and this riotously funny, ridiculously entertaining, and fully illustrated book shows how just about anyone can become—or may already be—a federal criminal.

Whether you’re a criminal defense lawyer or just a self-taught expert in outrageous offenses, How to Become a Federal Criminal is your wonderfully weird window into a criminally overlooked sector of American government.


  • 001 HowToBecomeAFederalCriminal Open

    Duration: 24s
  • 002 HowToBecomeAFederalCriminal Introduction

    Duration: 19min
  • 003 HowToBecomeAFederalCriminal Chapter1 ByMail

    Duration: 47min
  • 004 HowToBecomeAFederalCriminal Chapter2 WithAnimals

    Duration: 34min
  • 005 HowToBecomeAFederalCriminal Chapter3 WithMoney

    Duration: 22min
  • 006 HowToBecomeAFederalCriminal Chapter4 WithFood

    Duration: 01h04min
  • 007 HowToBecomeAFederalCriminal Chapter5 WithAlcohol

    Duration: 35min
  • 008 HowToBecomeAFederalCriminal Chapter6 OnFederalProperty

    Duration: 01h16min
  • 009 HowToBecomeAFederalCriminal Chapter7 OnTheHighSeas

    Duration: 46min
  • 010 HowToBecomeAFederalCriminal Chapter8 InOtherWays

    Duration: 01h03min
  • 011 HowToBecomeAFederalCriminal Credits

    Duration: 34s