Cursing Cousins

I can't cry with the fear that It’ll aggravate my symptoms Chest tight blurry vision My body is weak I don’t want to speak to quickly as ill become breathless Can’t think to eat trying to stay up with fear of drifting during my sleep No one to talk to I’m probably fine it’s all in my mind I know ill be a patient soon Im aware I stare at the wall foreseeing what's near oxygen, Ambient, and fluoxetine will soon be part of my daily needs How do I know, because I do If you knew me you would know too I write to you the other me to get through because the emergency room isn’t an option I’ve been to the urgent care twice All I can do is pray to make it through the night despite feeling breathless how reckless can I be How sickly did I not know I was I look above and I might find peace as tears fall from my eyes Have I been chosen I’m tired god I’’m awaken Im sorry god for I have forsaken you Ive always taken care of me through the grace of you Ive  always taken care of me because no one else did nor is it