Savage Lovecast

Dan Savage is bringing back a forgotten Catholic holiday. On January 14, let us all celebrate the Feast of the Ass.  A woman's beloved twin sister isn't dating, isn't getting on the apps, isn't looking for a relationship. Should the caller keep trying to set her up with great guys from work? Or leave her be?  A woman used to be a sex worker when she was younger. She has since built a new career, and loves her life. She got into BDSM, and when she told her new dom about her past, he lost his mind. He feels her sex worker history takes away his power. He demanded that she fill out a questionnaire spelling out her entire sexual history. The list goes on and on and on. Why does her past matter to him? What should she do about it?  On the Magnum, take a sexy, sexy journey back to medieval times, to hear about the origins of Christmas, St. Valentine's Day and the Feast of the Ass. Basically, the medieval church knew how to party. Those of you who are horny to hear about the counter reformation are going to GET OFF

A gay man was dating a closeted cop for 4 years. Then he found out that the cop WASN'T closeted, and WASN'T single (he has a live-in boyfriend,) but IS a big fat liar. Now the caller wants closure.  A straight man just got dumped by his girlfriend after 1 1/2 years. His crime? He followed some thirst trap accounts on Instagram. She felt "betrayed and repulsed." Now sad and bewildered, he'll get a rousing pep talk from Dan Savage. On the Magnum, a poly woman has been told by her girlfriend that she isn't allowed to kiss her children for fear of giving them herpes. Dan brings on STI expert Dr Ina Park to dish out some herpes facts and to try to lower the fear level. They also talk about the success of the HPV vaccine and what it might mean to have someone who is hostile to vaccines in charge of Health & Human Services. Ok folks. Put your neologism thinking caps on. We need a new term to replace "Eskimo brothers." So what's it gonna be?  Q@Savage.Love       206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squa

A trans guy just can't break into gay male spaces. He feels ridiculed and rejected, and ends up sitting in a corner alone while the sweaty dance party goes on around him. He used to be confident before his transition. How can he get a little of that male swagger and bed a hot twink?  A female used to date "bad boys"- the kind of guy who turned her on sexually but made terrible partners. Now she's with a sweet man who treats her well, but the heat isn't there. Can she train him to turn her on?Can she train herself to be turned on by him?  On the Magnum, what happens when you invite chatty, blabby podcasters to your sex party? Will they kiss and tell...everyone? Dan brings on comedian Ashley Ray to talk about this, and her obsession with the ancient JonBenét Ramsey murder. The plucky comedian has studied the case intensively and her long Substack piece about the crime and its coverage roped in a curious Dan Savage. C'mon amateur sleuths! Let's crack this case already!  And, a woman with a few lovers met a new g

"That's so gay!" So said a 10 year-old boy and got himself punished by the teacher who overheard him. The boy's father is calling for advice on how to explain why saying "That's so gay" as a pejorative is hurtful.  A man with a big ole wiener sees his long distance girlfriend once per month. When they see each other they go at it, with a frequency and intensity that will make many of you blush. The problem? It's causing her a lot of pain. Is there a way to make love, not lacerations?  Speaking of pain, Dan brings on Leigh Cowart, science journalist and author of "Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose" They talk about masochism, how the experience of pain can be transmogrified into pleasure, how every masochist has a sadist's imagination, and finally- how to safely kick a man in the nuts. Cowart is such a superb thinker, and a delight to listen to. A little is on the Micro and the whole thing is on the Magnum. And, in one of our all time weirdest calls, a married man with kids thinks he's h

A straight man confesses to lurking on Discord and masturbating to the pretty female voices he hears there. Nobody knows he is doing this (except all of us now.) Must he stop?  With a new hostile regime about to take power, it's more important than ever for queer and trans folks to get their papers in order. Our very favorite lawyer, Diana Adams from the Chosen Family Law Center, is on to talk about these issues, and to advise a married gay couple on how to find a surrogate mother in unconventional ways.  On the Magnum Dan welcomes comedian Bonnie Klopfer to talk about their shared hatred of gin. Like, they both really really hate gin. (Hey, in this day and age, whatever can bring people together is A-OK.) They also answer a question about an ex taking on the hobbies and interests of the caller after they broke up. Bonnie rules and you will love her.  And, a gay couple together for 7 years have brought in a lucky third. But the third is already becoming jealous and possessive. ("My couple! Mine!") How can the

We open with a somewhat disturbing call from a woman whose white boyfriend visits "wack shacks" when he travels. He hires Asian sex workers to submit to race play and degradation. She approves of him indulging his various kinks outside of their relationship, but this?  It's the classic conundrum: the caller has a big wiener and his boyfriend has a small one. A dildo is not quite a penis. What can they do? Our guest is the fiery, foul-mouthed, anti-cheating avenger Tracy Schorn a.k.a Chump Lady. The hideous experience with her ex-husband set her on a crusade against deceit. She and Dan spar over cheating, and divorce. A rival neologist, she calls Dan's word "tolyamory" "Orwellian dipshitery." Dan has finally met his match, and the polite but spirited debate calls for a big ole bowl of popcorn. A little on the Micro, the whole thing on the Magnum. See you there.  And, a woman mulls over the rancorous end of her previous relationship, when she asked her girlfriend's family to quiet down during a noisy 3am party.

First off, we hear from a neglected third in a poorly executed threeway hook-up. He failed to advocate for himself, and the other two guys weren't asking if he was ok, sitting on the couch, looking at his phone. How could this have gone better? And how can he get over the waves of insecurity he feels when he connects with these same guys again?  A woman in an open relationship with a nine year-old daughter wonders how to explain daddy's frequent absences.  Our guest this week is the soothing, clever and cussing Jeff Guenther a.k.a Therapy Jeff. Somehow Dan convinced him to come on the show and give him (and all of us really,) some free therapy around the grief we are all feeling. Self care? Sign us up! And of course Jeff sticks around to answer sex questions too. A little is on the Micro and the whole thing is on the Magnum.  And, listen in as a woman goes over the details of why her friendship is coming to an end.  It really must end.  Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064  This episode is brought to you by Hims, pr

We're giving you a break from whatever stressful stuff is going on this week to bring you some of the more...interesting calls we've collected.  A man's girlfriend wants to try saline injections on her breasts for a "24 hour boob job." The question is, can he safely do the injecting?  A woman's cat is grieving the loss of her longtime companion, a small dog. Now the kinky feline is demanding unspeakable rough treatment and her "owner" is neither G, G, nor G and does NOT consent.  Happy Soft Cock Week to all who celebrate! Our guest is "professional cuddler" Michelle Renee who is helping to launch a worldwide celebration of the penis in repose. She offers a kind and loving perspective on a topic that really needn't cause so much anxiety.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with Paul Rosenberg- founder and manager of Rain City Jacks, a private, non-profit jack-off club in Seattle. As we speak, men are gathering to masturbate together. Dan and Paul talk about the 20 year history of the club, how a whopping 10% of the patr

A poly guy lives in a rural area with his fiancé. He is building his own house, and hires laborers to come live with him while they build. One of the laborers started hooking up with the caller’s girlfriend without consulting the caller or gaining his consent. Now what? This guy is living in his own damn house, having sex with his own damn lady??? True or False: Gay men who were bullied as kids often hook up with their former bullies. On the Magnum, the worlds collide when Dan Savage, notorious sex proponent chats with asexuality educator Cody Daigle-Orians. They do a deep dive on ace issues. Are ace folks queer? Are micro labels helpful? At what point in a relationships should ace people come out? Daigle-Orians, creator of “Ace Dad Advice” explains asexuality with clarity and patience to the sex-crazed Savage. Their new book The Ace And Aro Relationship Guide is out now. And, a gay tourist was snapping pics of some hot men, when a family saw what was going on, and took umbrage. Outrage ensued. Is it so wrong

A woman has been dating a man from Ghana for 4 months. She just learned that he has a wife and kid back home, that he married out of familial/cultural obligation. Should the caller hold out to see if he chooses her over his overseas family?  A married woman has a one year-old kid. She and her husband are monogamous, but she's getting into performing burlesque at local bars and it's making her want to try...other things. How far will she go? How much will her husband allow?  Our guest is Irish comedian Des Bishop. He and Dan get into some straight guy topics: like straight guys into butt sex, straight guys into dicks, and how to surprise your straight guy with an awesome sex move. The (very gay) Dan Savage and the (very straight) Des Bishop got along like a house on fire. Some of this conversation is on the Micro, and all of it is on the Magnum.  And, we can't phrase this delicately: She smells. A woman's girlfriend is so very beloved to her. But lately, she's been letting her hygiene slip and it's getting dir

A lesbian couple has been together for a couple years, and things are still hot between them. But they wonder if they should check out a sex club just to add a little spice. They are monogamous, and have no interest in contact with other women. Their friends say it's impossible to remain exclusive with each other at one of these spaces. Is that true? Would they be welcome?  A man with "anxious attachment style" (hot!) has been seeing a woman for 6 weeks, and things are moving fast. She told him she was going to have a drink with a friend. He asked if she had ever slept with him. At first she denied it, but then called him back and admitted that she used to have a friends-with-benefits relationship with him, but that they were just platonic now. Should he believe her? Should he be upset? Should he cling as hard as he possibly can?  On the Magnum, Dan chats with humor writer Eli McCann from the Salt Lake Tribune about "The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives," and what to do when the obnoxious gatekeeper in your life

An apology is required! But who is in the wrong here? An NB person got so, so sick with the covids. They had already made out with their boyfriend, so he was exposed. When they asked him to come over, deliver some food and offer bit of comfort, the boyfriend only agreed to drop off food outside the door. Should he have come inside and been more supportive? Or was it too much to ask to have him risk exposure? On a much heavier note, a woman's dad was discovered to have a three year-long affair. Then he died days later. The caller's mom is grieving, angry and bereft, and the caller is cynical.  Rejoice! Randy Rainbow is back. Our favorite parodic chanteuse is here to promote his new book "Low Hanging Fruit," and to dish with Dan about pregnancy fetishes, evangelistic nudists, and how very weird straight people are. A little is on the Micro, the whole salacious thing is on the Magnum.  A man has been with his husband for 9 years. The caller is enjoying their newly open relationship, but his husband neither wants

A man was flirting with a woman online, but his girlfriend found out. She threw him out, and messaged all their friends and family about the incident. Police were involved. Should they get back together? Dan calls him up to get all the salacious details, and you get to listen.  A man has a wonderful fiancé, and they have a child together. He loves her very, very much. The problem? He is one kinky motherfucker, and she is NOT interested in dominating him.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with comedian Caleb Hearon. They talk about the perils of performing masculinity, but also how some gay men really are masculine. Calebs says "I don't want to do any of this exclusive, essentialist weirdo shit- I just want to have fun and enjoy myself." Hallelujah. Also, they arbitrate a petty fight from a caller over who should pay for a couch.  Oh, and you have to become a Magnum sub and listen to this interview in order to understand the headline.  Some three-way condom etiquette is in order. She and her husband are going to invit

She slept with a lad who didn't wear a condom when he said he would, came inside her and wouldn't help pay for Plan B. The hitch? He's great in bed, and she is hard up. Should she sleep with him again, if he promises to be a good boy?  A caller challenges Dan on his personal dislike of massages. "How can this possibly be?" asks the caller.   Our guest this week, is the brilliant psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel. Dan and Esther talk about infidelity, how monogamous relationships can turn into police states, and the difference between sex and eroticism- among many other things. We put a chunk of this conversation on the Micro, but there's a lot more on the Magnum.  It's the classic bait n' switch. A queer man met his wife via Feeld where she claimed to be interested adventurous sex. Now that they're married, they are monogamous, vanilla and the caller is tearing his hair out. They are doing all the therapy. What they aren't doing is having amazing kinky sex.  Q@Savage.Love 206-

Oh no! He broke the flirting rules. He kissed a lady and lied about it. (He lies a lot apparently.) But now, it makes her sick to look at him. What now? A man and his boyfriend just bought a house together and they are setting up one of the rooms as a nursery...because they are both adult babies. What should they tell visitors if they ask what the locked room is for? On the Magnum, it's the triumphant return of "What Are You Doing?!" A cuckold relationship with a femme-dom twist, you say? Do tell! Meet John and Maria, a seemingly "normal" couple that get super-freaky where it counts. They explain how they met, and gradually morphed into an amped-up sexual relationship. If you are interested in cuckolding, Dom/sub relationships or just want to peer in, have a listen. And, a woman heard that if her husband gets a vasectomy his semen will lose the delicious flavor she so enjoys. Is it true? Or maybe...not? Let's ask science! Q@Savage.Love          206-302-2064

A man and his girlfriend are well-matched. Except...she doesn't like to kiss and he NEEDS to kiss to get his erotic motor running. Whatever can they do?  The good doctor Barak is back... but this time he's here to share his political giving strategy for this election, where your dollar is mightier than ever. And of course Dan ambushes him with a gnarly sex question.  On the Magnum, what happens when a man is jealous of his...mother? Dan chats with whip smart writer Jill Filipovic about millennial/boomer divide and the seething resentments within.  And, a man and his husband are finally having three-ways after 30 years of marriage. They get more excited to be with their special guest stars than they do with just each other. Is this a problem?  Call us with *your* problem. (Even if it isn't a problem.)  Q@Savage.Love      206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 25% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sl

Git along little doggie! A gay man in academia has always been into cowboys. But he fights his brain, due to the inherently problematic nature of this fetish. Can (or should) he scrub these fantasies from his mind?  A woman in Berlin would like to go to Folsom Europe. But would she be welcome? Dan chats with kink educator AJ Berlin about gay male sex party spaces, and who is (and isn't) welcome.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with a true unicorn- a monogamous gay man. Don Martin is an author, podcaster and prolific THIRST TRAPPER. He's been with his husband for 18 years in a very happy exclusive relationship. They talk about accepting yourself as gay, going the distance with monogamy, escaping body dysmorphia and so much more. They had a wide-ranging conversation and you are invited to listen in.  And, are there any foot fetishists out there who are ladies? Anyone?  Call! Tell us about it!  Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories

Workplace intrigue ahoy! A gay trans man who passes completely, is out to some of his co-workers but not all. Over drinks, one of his bosses told him he was bi, but not attracted to male genitals. So was this his way of acknowledging that the caller is trans, and flirting with him? Or was it cluelessly his way of saying he *wasn't* interested? Confusing! What should the caller do?  A straight man loved giving his previous girlfriend multiple orgasms. But now that he's single and knows how good it can be, he feels pressure to give multiple orgasms every time, to all his lovers. Is this a new expectation for men? How can he have good sex without his self-critical brain ruining everything?  On the Magnum, you may recall a few weeks ago, a woman asked about cross-dressing men. She wanted to understand the difference between cross-dressers, trans women and drag queens. Nancy Rose is a cross-dresser with a very masculine side when she's in man mode and a very feminine side when she's in "Nancy mode." In this conver

A woman is starting up a new relationship. Her previous boyfriend was a dom who introduced her to kink. She loved it but found it all too contrived. How can she take the parts of Dom/sub dynamics she likes and leave the scripted parts behind? It used to take her soooooo long to come. But then she discovered suction toys, and blam! Her husband learned how to get her off orally, but then they divorced. Now she's back to square one and worries it will take another 6 years to train new lovers to get her off. How can she give them a crash course in how her body works?  On the Magnum, a severe strain of Mpox is on the rise in Africa. Dan brings back the wise and calm Dr. Carlton to discuss this and other anal health issues. Dr. Carlton shares his handy, (if sacriligious) technique to open up for anal sex without poppers. And they spell out use of Truvada, Doxy Pep and other meds on the scene. If you use your butt for sex, you'll want to tune in. A single mother and breast cancer survivor needs a little cash. She wo

A straight man was horrified to discover that he wasn't attracted to his hook-up when she took her clothes off. She extracted a confession from him, and he was honest about his sudden repulsion. Was this the right thing to do?  A woman would like to help her 70 year-old mother choose and navigate dating apps. Dan calls up Joan Price, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex to give the run-down. On the Magnum, Dan chats with our new favorite dom- "The Funny Dom," a 24/7 Daddy Dominant based in Melbourne, Australia. They discuss how to vet a dom, how straight male doms come under more scrutiny than femme doms, and how kink employs creativity to process trauma into something wonderful, cathartic and sexy. We love the Funny Dom and so will you.  And, can we talk about celery juice? Does it make come taste sweet? Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free