Terrible Book Club

Since the well of terrible Carnacki stories has run dry, the Antiques Freaks are here today with us to read a terrible Sherlock Holmes story! The Adventure of the Creeping Man is less of an adventure and more about young people being upset that older people have sex. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes: mild sexual humor, mention of drugs, and various bad Victorian ideas and opinions.

Happy New Year, listeners! We're starting Season 8 with Pepper’s Quest by Felicity Brown at the request of our Patron Dee (that’s right, Dee of Antiques Freaks also has Patron rights and boy - do they know how to pick ‘em!) These books were created to flesh out the Bella Sara horse toy/video game/trading card universe that you are probably familiar with if you’ve been to a toy store or near children in the last few decades.

This time, we read The Labyrinth of Dreaming Books by Walter Moers, translated by John Brownjohn. This was recommended to us by our patron Martin who recommended it because this book made fans of Moers question his actual existence - surely, Moers must be a collective of authors whose best member(s) left or perhaps Moers died! Join us in Bookholm this week for another round of us attempting to sing the fake songs featured in the book. Thank you, Martin - this was a great recommendation for the show and we very much appreciate your long and continued patronage. We hope you're all having a lovely holiday season & reading books you like!

We're back this week with another Patron's Choice episode for Patricia! She asked that we review Delirium by Lauren Oliver, a book where love is illegal and you have to get a lovebotomy around the age of 18. Thanks for this recommendation, Patricia!

Chris's brother Adam is here (gasp) instead of Paris to review another novel from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. This review comes at the request of our Patron Crimson Paladin, who said, "There's a book in the legends canon called Red Harvest. It's a horror book set in the Star Wars universe that involves a Sith Academy, zombies, a sentient flower, and a wookie. I wouldn't say it's bad by the usual standards of your show, but it's definitely bizarre." Many thanks to Crimson Paladin for their patronage and to Adam stepping in so that Paris could take an episode off! We all deserve a little time off here and there.

In this week's Patron's Choice episode, we encounter yet another undead detective skeleton in Skullduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy. This was requested by our patron Of The Void (The Taco-Eating Unicorn). He was hoping that this book would be pleasant (heh) for us, or at least less painful than some of our other fare. Although that may have only been partially true, we still thank you for your patronage, Mr. Taco-Eating Unicorn!

For our 2022 Halloween special, we bring you our radioplay of the 1888 play Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde by Daniel E. Bandmann with our very best podfriends, the Antiques Freaks! This episode was inspired by our Patron Miri who sent us a message in May of last year, saying, “If you want a non-postmodern play (A linear plot!) with a truly absurd backstory, I suggest Daniel Bandmann's adaptation of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, written in 1888. It was the losing (and worse) adaptation in an international actor race/lawsuit that led to the lead actor of the other adaptation being accused of being (or inspiring) Jack the Ripper…Both plays involved in the race/lawsuit are bad adaptations, but the Bandmann one is worse--bad writing as well as nonsensical plot and characterization changes, love interest insertion, etc.” Our thanks go out to Miri along with Martin A. Danahay and Alex Chisholm, for creating Jekyll and Hyde Dramatized, from which we sourced the script of this play and the rich history surrounding it. Content W

The time is upon us for creepy Craftsmans! This week we discuss our experience reading Man, Fuck This House by Brian Asman and our feelings about haunted houses in general. Our Patron Will chose this for us to read this year and we cannot thank Will enough both for his patronage and his great recommendations. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes discussion of: action-movie level violence, gore, demonic children, ghosts, haunted houses, mental health issues, and possessions. 

It's another week and another Patron asked us to read their own work for the show! In this episode we discuss our experience reading Season 1 of Ain't a Hero, a web series by Bryan W. Schuder. It's an ongoing "Slice of Life Science Fantasy" set 1,000 years in the post-apocalyptic future where magic and tech are both advanced and accessible. You can read Ain't a Hero for free at aintahero.com and comment along with other fans at r/AintAHero . We thank Bryan for his generous and long-time support of the show - and hope he doesn't blast us into the next post-apocalypse after this review.

We take a brief reprieve this week from our slew of Patron requests to dive back into the deep, dark waters of Amazon Short Reads. Chris pulled Identity Switch: Becoming the Woman Who Gets What She Wants by April & Adrianna Mason from the depths because it appeared to be pulsing with Ho Tactics vibes. Beneath these initial vibes, though, Paris & Chris discover that this is actually a self-help book they can almost get behind. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion or mention of: sexual assault and stereotypical western patriarchal gender roles

Our patron Lynn requested that we read Arabiolosis by Nathen Mazri, the man who brought the world GarfieldEATS. We were soon launched into an endless downward internet spiral of Garficcinos and rancid lasagna to discover what toxic amounts of privlege can unleash upon the world. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion or mention of: gender and sexual politics in Saudi Arabia and HIV/AIDS.

We return to the wild land of bizarro fiction this week to discuss Drag Queen Dino Fighters by MP Johnson. This was requested by our patron Robin, who then provided us with the Amazon Kindle file when we let them know the book was out of print and unavailable through any used book sellers. Thank you, Robin! Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion or mention of: animal violence, extraterrestrials, hunting, gore, sex, and general horror absurdity.

One of our anonymous patrons asked us to choose a light novel for their Patron's Choice episode this season, so we chose this because the title made us laugh. We, uh, got volume 7 instead of 1 because we thought the 7 was a 1. So what!? Strangely enough we read a different light novel a few episodes ago for a different patron and they happen to be from the same publisher. Can TBC survive another light novel so soon after the last one? Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode just has some descriptions of cartoon-level violence

Chris went on another deep dive into the “Short Reads” category on Amazon and found Dating & Crypto, a brand new self-help guide which promises to teach you how to use cryptocurrency to boost your dating game. Although we learned nothing useful about crypto or dating, we did learn that a side hustle making low-level e-books on Amazon for $9.99 might be worth pursuing. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion of heteronormative dating stereotypes and the usual gendered weirdness that comes along with that.

We read All Our Wrong Todays by Elan Mastai for our Patron Lucek as our tribute to his patronage for 2022! He said, “I'm kinda requesting this one for my sanity. I read the reviews, went in hopeful, and then well. . . I'm now wondering if I read the same book. If I'm not remembering it wrong or psychotic. . . I'm sorry.” There's a lot to like about this book, but we fell out of love with it as the novel wore on. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion of infidelity, sexual assault, and suicide.

We had so many friends and listeners contact us and ask us to read this that we squeezed it into the schedule for this year. You’re welcome. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion of: American politics, racism, feminism, and all that could possibly entail. If you’re not interested in hearing American political discourse or discussions about race and gender, please choose another episode.

For this week's Patron's Choice episode, we read Interspecies Reviewers (Vol. 1): Ecstasy Days by Tetsuo Habara for our Patron Austin. He said that he, "decided to choose this glorious novel for [his] recommendation...since [he] has little chance to talk about [it] in polite company or for that matter, most impolite company." Reluctantly, we did have some positive things to say about this book. Still, we wouldn't recommend it unless you had...very particular needs. Content Warnings: We're reading porn today, people. In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes discussion of: explicit sexual situations involving age play, basiliskgirls, birdgirls, catgirls, cuckoldry, elves, halflings who look like children (so here’s your pedophilia warning), and spirits; a moment of racism.

We take a break from Patron's Choice episodes this week to discuss HYDRATE RIGHT!: The Effective Way To Drink Water by Dr. Lesley Ike. Chris found this on a recent fateful dive into the “Short Reads” category on Amazon and, well...how could we pass this up?  Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes mildly gross body/medical talk.

This time, we read Hangman's Curse (The Veritas Project Vol. 1) by Frank Peretti as requested by our Patron, BeastWithTheLeast! They said that, “It’s probably the laughably worst YA novel I’ve ever read (or that I haven’t blissfully forgotten about)." Join us on this Christian Scooby Doo escapade and learn about spider mating! Who needs evolution or accurate science anyway? Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes discussion of: Christianity/religion, death, hanging, poison, spiders, and suicide.

A YouTube user told us to check out a book about the afterlife, but Signs from Pets in the Afterlife was in the search results just below the intended book and, well...we couldn’t resist. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion or mention of pet death, grief, and mourning.