Terrible Book Club

We learn to control everyone with this ONE WEIRD TRICK! Chris tries to hypnotize Paris into loving bad books. This material was so short and devoid of substance that we once again play a guessing game. This time, Paris creates a game based on Amazon book SEO for Chris to play that he christens Not on Top.

We begin this episode by arguing about tigers and lions and eventually make our way to discussing the mechanics of human and tiger-man mating. This book as a whole wasn't totally terrible though it does rely on a lot of noir/private eye stereotypes. Once again, friend-of-the-show Hillary spotted this book in the wild and donated it to us. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, we've got fighting, borderline beastiality, drug use, and racism.

Paris and Chris have had a long evening of crafting for the previous episode. They then try to work their way through Maze while in an exhausted, sleep-deprived state beginning after midnight. Chances aren't good for these adventurers. Will Paris and Chris solve the Maze, find Room 45, and escape back to Room 1? Or will they forever wander through this book as penance?

T'was the week before Christmas and all through the house, could be heard Paris and Chris shrieking, and not from a mouse. The shrimp were speared on the cone with care,  In hopes that Terriblo would soon be there.   The roommates were nestled all snug in their beds; While visions from Lovecraft danced in their heads;   And Paris in her hoodie, and Chris in his too, Continued to slice and spear as the Shrimp Tree grew.   When out in the kitchen there arose such a clatter, The roommates sprang from their beds to see what was the matter.   Away to the kitchen they flew like a flash, Tore open their doors and heard a loud crash.   The fluorescent light casting shadows o'er all, Masking the tears of laughter as they fall,   When what to their horrified eyes did slam, But a shrimp tree and a vegetable lamb,   With two friends so lost in their crafts, They knew in a moment they must have gone daft,   More mad than a hatter as they wondered who to blame, And they whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:   "

There was so much Christmas cheer in this series that we had to call in our friends over at the Amazon Book Club to help us read it! Check out their episode that covers the first book, Christmas in Silver Bell Falls. A Christmas Rescue was so flavorless and dull that we ended up talking about other stuff for the latter half the episode. We play a guessing game Chris designed called Power Rangers Monster or Weed Strain? followed by giving summaries of our Thanksgiving breaks - including a narration of everything that was wrong with the Air BnB Paris stayed in while she was in Montreal.

This psychological thriller didn't so much thrill us as annoy and infuriate us. Diary entries read like screenplays, the writing is bland overall, and ultimately the framing and plot have major issues. How does this book have such good ratings and reviews? Thanks to Chris's partner Rebecca for recommending this and donating her copy to the show. Content warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, we've got descriptions of abuse, assaults, break-ins, drug use, murder, and flagrant ethical violations in professional/client interaction. Audio quality warning: A bad XLR cable caused some crackling/static on Paris's track towards the end of the episode. We did as much as we could to mitigate this, but it is still audible. Apologies!

In this edition of Microwave Cooking for One in Space, we ascend with our arsenal of 200 microwaves. We're gonna' cook Mars just right. We read the original Moon People four years ago in Episode 14. Thank you to listener Daniel Canady for this recommendation. Content Warnings are light this week - just some mild sex and violence in addition to our usual barnyard language.

When D & Ken listened to 30 seconds of our podcast and told us we were good, we immediately invited them onto our show as guests and then got podcast married. Our ghost moms warned us to, "Beware the Old-Stuff-Weirdos," but there's no way that refers to the Antiques Freaks. D calls in their Patron debt and forces us to read Crimson Peak. We also watched Crimson Peak for Patrons. Paris has already seen Crimson Peak once before and hated it. After a week steeped in Crimson Peak, Paris has the equivalent of 4 beers lined up for this recording because she's had enough of this damned film and its book counterpart. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, we discuss ghosts, gore, blood, sex, and incest.

Neither of us over at TBC are into "bizarro" fiction, but today we discover that this corner of literature exists and it sure lives up to its moniker.  The weirdest and creepiest thing about this episode is that...well, there were actually redeeming qualities about this book. Yes - a book called The Haunted Vagina wasn't the worst thing we've ever read. The author somehow managed to create believable characters in a very unbelievable world. Content Warnings: Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. In addition to our usual barnyard language, we’ve got: graphic sex, macabre things happening in conjunction with that sex, and extreme body horror (including vore). Thank you to Carol for recommending this one!

It's October, so this episode is the first in our series of spooky books in honor of the season. After a long day of stocking up on fun size candy bars, putting together a cool costume, and decorating your yard with fake spiderwebs, you're just dying to curl up with a Halloween-themed mystery that stars a living skeleton, right?...right?...sure. This book was recommended by friend-of-the-show, Kristina! Thanks so much for recommending this and patiently waiting for us to read it for 2 years. The book itself is pretty wholesome, but we've got some Content Warnings for you anyhow. In addition to our classic TBC barnyard language, we’ll be discussing bones, murder, skeletons, and online bullying and we'll briefly touch upon (1) a statement involving racial prejudice, (2) the use of the word 'handicap', & (3) suicide.  

Another week, another screenplay disguised as a book. This one is a real Russian nesting doll of poor choices. Thanks to Bob from Books, Beards, & Booze for recommending this one to us!  Content Warnings: blood, death, fights between women, gore, injury, & misogyny.

Our Patron Jensina chose this book as their once-per-year reward! Check out our Patreon here to get this and other rewards for yourself. In addition to our usual barnyard language, Content Warnings this week include: generalized violence, guns, military stuff, murder, and some brief jokes with sexual themes. Chris and Paris become Blind Date and Merlot to fight a terrible book from another galaxy! This one made us feel like we were reading a knock-off G.I. Joe novel at a foreign airport bookstore. Our ultimate judgment is that this should've been pitched to The Asylum rather than being published in book form. We've also got some falafel talk, unsettling questions about eagles, and we announce potential options for the next book.

Someone cast Meteor on Chris's computer and this episode and the associated bonus Patreon content was almost lost. Luckily, his back-up Lifestream kicked in and saved the files, but not without sacrificing the computer itself to do so. Chris's brother Adam joins us as a guest today. Oops! When Paris says "Steel Magnolias" she actually means the movie "Magnolia".

GET YOUR PINKLE JINXXXXXXED!!! This book came to our attention through an anonymous recommendation. Thank you, anonymous person, and we hope you enjoy this episode.

Although not strictly necessary, we recommend listening to this episode along with the other Maradonia episodes in the following order: Episode 11 - Maradonia and the Seven Bridges Episode 62 - Maradonia and the Escape from the Underworld Episode 63 - Maradonia and the Gold of Ophir Episode 86 - The Secret of Moon Lake Episode 87 - Maradonia and the Law of Blood This book was chosen by our patron Dari as part of her Patreon reward. If you, too, would like to force us to read a book, head over to our Patreon and select either the $5 or $10/month tier. Our commentary on the Maradonia movie is available on our Patreon at those tiers as well if you need even more Maradonia content. terriblebookclub.com Terrible Book Club Patreon

Although not strictly necessary, we recommend listening to this episode along with the other Maradonia episodes in the following order: Episode 11 - Maradonia and the Seven Bridges Episode 62 - Maradonia and the Escape from the Underworld Episode 63 - Maradonia and the Gold of Ophir Episode 86 - The Secret of Moon Lake Episode 87 - Maradonia and the Law of Blood This episode is for Robert (Bobby) Kennedy, who rescued Episode 11 when we lost most of our first season of episodes. We know he wanted us to read the second book in the series, so here it is, at long last. Our commentary on the Maradonia movie is already available for patrons Patreon this month.

We're roasting ourselves again! We decided that it was time to review past missteps and things we were wrong about on air. We try to keep this show conversational and familiar, but the consequence of that at times is that one of us will say something that isn’t quite right, downright false, or kinda cringe-y. It’s only fair that we re-evaluate ourselves on a show that centers on criticism. This is Part 2 of the retrospective and covers Episodes 31-59. Relevant links: TedEd's Brief History of Goths Minnesota's Beef Industry Profile, 2017 Behavior Babe Jessica Minahan

This time, we’re roasting ourselves! We decided that it was time to review past missteps and things we were wrong about on air. We try to keep this show conversational and familiar, but the consequence of that at times is that one of us will say something that isn’t quite right, downright false, or kinda cringe-y. It’s only fair that we re-evaluate ourselves on a show that centers on criticism. This is Part 1 of the retrospective and covers Episodes 1-30 (though of course it doesn't include the lost episodes).  We also play another guessing game where Chris has made up some book titles and Paris has to guess which are real or fake, similar to the Two Truths and a Lie game that we played in Episode 30.

The editor for this series posted about how bad the writing was in a Facebook group called Men Failing at Erotica. We happened to see the post and another TBC episode was born. Thanks to Preston for bringing this one to our attention! Content Warning! In addition to our usual barnyard language, this week we've got: drug trafficking/drug use, forced prostitution, guns, kidnapping, murder, sex, and torture. Drug trafficking, a Chicago crime syndicate, dirty cops, murder, and torture sure seem like topics that could make for an exciting book. When the author includes an introduction informing you that he is, "a new breed of thriller writer," with a, "raw and sexy ability to place you in the box seat," then surely this book will deliver! ...right? 

After seeing #puppetgate trending on Twitter, Chris and Paris dive into the script of the play All in a Row with our friend Adam. Adam is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst with a MA in Applied Behavior Analysis and a decade of experience working with children with autism in residential and classroom settings. In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode's content warnings include: ableism, descriptions of autism in the play, pornography, sexual assault, urination/defecation, and violence. Better written reviews of the play/script by other folks, including folks with autism/autistic folks: C.L. Lynch on Puppetgate All in a Row is Ableist: Also includes images of the original puppet design, final puppet design, and other pictures of the play's set and performance. Other images of the production: https://southwarkplayhouse.co.uk/archive2019/all-in-a-row/#gallery