Toasted Fiction Theatre

In the finale for Series 2, Chris revisits his first short film, produced by Pan Breed Productions, The Auditors.  Mother Nature is real and the world is run like a multi-million pound enterprise and it's losing money. Big time. Auditor's; John Baines and Emma Sykes are brought in to make the relevant cuts. However, Baines has started to question the work they do and is faced with choosing between carrying out the job at hand and what is truly important to him.   Cast: Baines: John Savage Sykes: Hayley Bristow Summer: Craig Anthony-Ralston Spring: Kerry Browne Autumn: Erin Donnachie Winter: Jericho Reid Song: Blacker Than Blue Artist: The Grand Opening Album: Don't Look Back into the Darkness Licensed to YouTube by: The Orchard Music (on behalf of Tapete Records); LatinAutor, ARESA, BMG Rights Management (US), LLC, and 1 Music Rights Societies

Produced by Short Attention Span Theatre Written by Chris Patrick Performed by James Keenan Directed by Daniel Gee Husson “Get a cat they said, it’ll be nae hassle they said.” It’s a Monday night during the Summer of 2016. The Euros are on, the hoose is quiet and Dave has a cup of tea in hand. It’s a cracking night – until the neighbour knocks the door with news about the cat. www.chrispatrickwriter.com www.shortattentionattentionspantheatre.co.uk

An Update On Series Two of the Podcast. What the hell happened!?

Toasted Fiction Theatre presents a No Nonsense Production of Para Handy: A Radio Play (Not) On Stage. A radio play not on stage (on podcast) adaptation of Neil Munro's classic Para Handy tales. The Master Mariner, Dougie the Mate, MacPhail the Engineer and Sunny Jim along with a host of other characters take to the airwaves courtesy of three plucky radio actors. This week's episode is The Baker's Little Widow. Adapted, directed by and starring Kevin Jannetts, along with Calum McVittie & Stewart Phillips. Check out all things No Nonsense Productions on social media @nononsensepro and their website www.nononsenseproductions.co.uk Subscribe, share and leave a review/rating of the Toasted Fiction Theatre podcast. Get in touch with us @toastedfictiontheatre or through e-mail on toastedfictiontheatre@gmail.com You can also support the show via our Patreon page www.patreon.com/toastedfictiontheatre with as little as £1! Created by Chris Patrick Series Two produced by Chris Patrick & Ross Patrick For all more

Toasted Fiction Theatre presents a No Nonsense Production of Para Handy: A Radio Play (Not) On Stage. A radio play not on stage (on podcast) adaptation of Neil Munro's classic Para Handy tales. The Master Mariner, Dougie the Mate, MacPhail the Engineer and Sunny Jim along with a host of other characters take to the airwaves courtesy of three plucky radio actors. This week's episode is The Malingerer Adapted, directed by and starring Kevin Jannetts, along with Calum McVittie & Stewart Phillips. Check out all things No Nonsense Productions on social media @nononsensepro and their website www.nononsenseproductions.co.uk Subscribe, share and leave a review/rating of the Toasted Fiction Theatre podcast. Get in touch with us @toastedfictiontheatre or through e-mail on toastedfictiontheatre@gmail.com You can also support the show via our Patreon page www.patreon.com/toastedfictiontheatre with as little as £1! Created by Chris Patrick Series Two produced by Chris Patrick & Ross Patrick For all more content, i

Toasted Fiction Theatre presents a No Nonsense Production of Para Handy: A Radio Play (Not) On Stage. A radio play not on stage (on podcast) adaptation of Neil Munro's classic Para Handy tales. The Master Mariner, Dougie the Mate, MacPhail the Engineer and Sunny Jim along with a host of other characters take to the airwaves courtesy of three plucky radio actors. This week's episode is Para Handy's Apprentice.  Adapted, directed by and starring Kevin Jannetts, along with Calum McVittie & Stewart Phillips. Check out all things No Nonsense Productions on social media @nononsensepro and their website www.nononsenseproductions.co.uk Subscribe, share and leave a review/rating of the Toasted Fiction Theatre podcast. Get in touch with us @toastedfictiontheatre or through e-mail on toastedfictiontheatre@gmail.com You can also support the show via our Patreon page www.patreon.com/toastedfictiontheatre with as little as £1!  Created by Chris Patrick Series Two produced by Chris Patrick & Ross Patrick

Captain Humphrey Willis isn’t a regular hero, not with a name like that, but today he needs to be.  When the mysterious shadow people take the love of his life hostage, Captain Willis must sail alone into their world of darkness, strangeness and things unseen in order to save her and get their life back. She saves him everyday, he needs to save her just once. But can he? Alternative Tagline: “Captain Willis, requesting safe passage…" Written by Chris Patrick, based on the short story The Shadow People Won't Take Us Alive from the writer's short story collection The Shadow People Won't Take Us Alive & Other Lost Souls Performed by Paul Kozinski as Captain Humphrey Willis Additional Performance by Chris Patrick as Radio Operator www.chrispatrickwriter.com for more info and other content by the writer

Toasted Fiction Theatre is a storytelling anthology podcast bringing you stories of all shapes and sizes. Listen to our trailer to find out more about the series and visit www.chrispatrickwriter.com/toastedfictiontheatre  Subscribe, share and let us know what you think!

Full Stop by Christopher Patrick Performed by Colin Little, Hazel Ann Crawford, Kirsty Strain & Charlie Graham. When Jake loses his wife he does what all grieving husbands would do. Buys cheap whiskey and hides in his attic from the in-laws. Will his sister and best friend be able to convince him to come down? And will they have to put up with his wife's family for much longer? The only thing worse than death is dealing with the family in the aftermath. Thankfully, attics were built for hiding.

An interrogation inside. A missing female outside. A stranger is being interrogated by the police. There is evidence he did it. But what happens when the so called bad guy turns out to be further from the truth. Pulse is a moving tale of loss, friendship and a heartbeat. Performed by Colin Little & Cameron McGarva.

Sam is excited but nervous to leave school and become A Proper Grown Up. She thinks her fun, youthful English teacher, Emma, has got life sorted. But Sam knows little about her private life. Emma hasn’t never really grown up. Comforting herself with Monster Munch and kids’ cartoons, Emma resists embracing her new obligations as a teacher. Sam flatters Emma’s fragile self-esteem, but Emma’s returned attention pulls them into a risky relationship that will challenge their ideas of what it means to be an adult. Growing up can put years on you. Performed by Hazel Ann Crawford, Megan Hair & Kirsty Strain

Patrick ponders the meaning of his life and what might lie ahead after his time in the womb while his brother Stewart takes each day as it comes with no expectations of what the future holds. Their opposing personalities and constant bickering seeing the twins gasping for air as they try to untangle the mess they’ve created……before it leads to fatal consequences. Will there be life after birth for the boys? “You’ve always been on that side, and I’ve always been on this side. Let’s change it up, live a little!” Performed By: Colin Little, Charlie Graham & Cameron McGarva

Why I Want To Drink With Boris Johnson or The Entirely Predictable Trials of Being by C.McMillan A broken hearted writer sits down with a pen to rid his pain and right the world. However, he quickly realises he may not know how to do either. In fact, he barely even knows if he can write; it could all be a bunch of tat with some cool one liners. Who knows? "I'm struggling to remember the last time I had a good idea. Other than the whisky in the morning that is. That was truly inspired." Performed by: Cameron McGarva Produced & Directed by: Christopher Patrick Recorded by: Keiran Lowrie Tech: Ian Swinscoe

'Expecting' explores a woman's struggle to come to terms with her pregnancy against the busybody backdrop of a woman's discussion forum. Despite the advice of other smug expectant mothers, Beth feels isolated and unusual. She remains haunted by a memory that distorts the way she sees her own pregnant body. An expectant mother struggles with a haunting memory. Performed by Kirsty Strain Written by Alice Cairns & Mary Trend

A blink and you'll miss it short sketch about God with a hangover recorded by Neil John Gibson & Kirsty Strain.

The Mackenzie’s are living the high life as Scotland’s most famous reality TV family with their show, Keepin’ Up Wae The Mackenzie’s taking the top spot every year. However, when the show takes a big dip in ratings the producers put into a place a desperate plan to get them back on top…… All it’ll take is a little bit of convincing, and a designer vagina or two. Ye cannae choose you’re family…..but ye can choose what channel yer oan. If The Broons met The Kardashians, it would be a little something like this. Written By: Christopher Patrick Produced & Directed By: Christopher Patrick Performed By: Charlie Graham, Cameron McGarva, Kirsty Strain, Hazel Ann Crawford, Colin Little & Megan Hair Sound Recorded By: Keiran Lowrie Tech: Ian Swinscoe Recorded live on the 29th September 2016 at the Beacon Arts Centre, Greenock. Series 1 of Toasted Fiction Theatre is supported by Inverclyde Placed Partnership, Beacon Arts Centre & Emerge. Twitter: @toastedfiction

Guffy is a guttural allegorical tale of the state of our nation. Guffy is a Scottish lass born and bred in Alloa. Present. Alba is the elderly Scottish woman that bred her. Past. The bairn is but a few months old bred by them both. Future. They co-exist at the bottom end of Alloa. “If yer frae the Bottom End ye dinnae get oot” Writer: Glenna Scaachi Performed By: Karen Bartke, Kirsty Strain & Cameron McGarva Produced By: Toasted Fiction Theatre Directed By: Christopher Patrick

Echoes And Jigsaw Until The Sea Written By Heloise Thual In a house which echoes aren’t her own, Lily can hear her Mum playing “Truth Or Breath” every night in the bathroom. Maybe if Lily completes her jigsaw before her Mum ran out of breath, she will be invited to play the game too. Mum now spends her nights in the bathroom.Playing some kind of game.Truth or Breath. Breath or Truth. Produced and Directed by Christopher Patrick Performed by Karen Bartke, Neil John Gibson, Cameron McGarva & Kirsty Strain.

The Vultures | Written By Christopher Patrick Mary and June are The Vultures. A pair of wedding, christening and birthday party crashers who fancy themselves as Scotland’s answer to Thelma and Louise, but with greyer hair. However, when they decide to crash a wake in a bid for some ‘Scran’, they’re forced to have a look at their own mortality and question how they choose to spend the remainder of their time. Performed By Karen Bartke & Kirsty Strain Recorded Live at The Beacon Arts Centre on the 7th of July 2016

Murder On The S.S. Dreamer Written By Jack Craig Told through recovered voice logs left mostly by Captain Morgan, this story tells the tale of a small group of cosmonauts sent to explore the deep reaches of space as they are caught in a murder plot. When the body of psychologist Lea Schauffer is found strangled, Captain Morgan must find out who killed her and quickly. The murderer leaves taunting voice messages on his computer. Mistrust is growing fast among his crew, threatening the survival of everyone on board. But Captain Morgan is not a man to be underestimated. He will find the killer. No matter what. 1 crew. 1 murderer. 70 billion miles from home. Performed by Neil John Gibson, Colleen Garrett, Karen Bartke and Charlie Graham.