Botched: A D&d Podcast

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! So apparently, monsters in Bellevue think that the group has been to R’lyeh. Have they? They can’t seem to remember anything that happened to them before their electroshock therapy. They seem to have been saved by Father Bierce, but can he be trusted? The crew goes back to the cathedral that Father Bierce calls home, to try and piece together their memory. However, disturbing dreams give haunt them. What can they mean? Are they a clue to their time before the asylum? Did they actually go to R’lyeh? How do you pronounce R’lyeh? Is it Early-eh? Real-yay? Or is it Raleigh? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Season 4 starts with quite the mystery! These men seem very confused about who they really are. Or are they? Who is telling the truth? Last we left our group, they are holed up in their room, waiting for the orderlies to break through. I’m sure the group will have no problem dispatching an entire building of orderlies. We are going to get a little more of a glimpse into the backstory of the characters…or of their fantasies. Everything however…is not what it seems at this hospital. Who are these people really? Why are all these people asleep? Is there something else going on in this hospital of the supernatural variety? Why does Montana Jackson seem so enthusiastic about circumcision? Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dra

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Finally! Season 4 is here! This season is unlike anything we have done so far. We have changed the rules, the setting and pretty much everything except for the humor. This season will take place in 1932 New York City. Right in the middle of the Great Depression and Prohibition. There are some other rule changes such as the removal of Arcana as a stat, being unable to force other players to do what they want, and the inclusion of the new “sanity” stat.  This season sees the creation of custom classes, each with their own choices to make as they level. These players find themselves in Bellevue Hospital’s Psych Ward. They seem very confused about who they are. Who exactly are these characters? How did they get here? Why are they in this asylum? What other changes are being made? Why do bedsheets not make for great disguises? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! The moment you’ve all been waiting for! No, it’s not the start of Season 4. It’s the end of these damn in between episodes! The group may have subbed out a player for another, but hey, it can all be explained by brain trauma. Sure, the way the last episode ended doesn’t really line up with the start of this one, but really, you’re asking a lot of alcoholics. This episode has a little something for everyone. Rocks. Rock dwarves. Rock basins. Shiny rocks. I mean, what more could you ask for? This episode leaves me with a few questions, such as, how hard is it to see a sign in plain sight? Why are statues so rough on the party? Where is this Arkenstone? Will it even grant immortality to everyone? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reaso

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! We are counting down to the kick off of Season 4! As we left it, there are a few of the party currently knocking on death’s door. And we all know how much they love doors. I’ll let you in on a little secret. One of them will not make it out of that room! Don’t worry, as is often the case in D&D, some other random traveler will take their place. A strong, handsome, charismatic and non-facially-disfigured creature. Who is this beautiful creature? Will they finally find this stone of eternal life? What other horrors await them in this mine? How far up can a cleft pallet really go? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in heari

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! We are counting down to the kick off of Season 4! The cast is slightly less drunk, but just as stupid! Let’s try this whole mine of death thing again from the top shall we? I mean, having 3 people who have already been through this place for a little while would obviously give us a marked advantage…right? Oh, I forgot. This is Botched: A D&D Podcast. We do not learn, we do not advance. That being said, let’s see how they manage to stumble bumble their way through the mine this time! Who are these new heroes? What happened to the old heroes that were merely enchanted? Will they make the same mistakes as last time? Why is it important not to run into a room filled with skeletons and talk like a wrestling announcer? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! We are counting down to the kick off of Season 4! The obviously very drunk cast is even more inept than usual. They continue to descend further into the depths of the mine in search of the legendary immortality giving item. They’ve already run into murderous chickens, worms and made some goblin friends. This time around they have to contend with elevators, fake news, and of course, doors. Is their newest goblin addition a true ally? How long before the party tries to kill him? How drunk are Conrad and Tristan? Is it racist to pick on the Scottish and/or Irish? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Another set of in between episodes to tide you over until we get to season 4. In this particular story a group of would be adventurers have heard a legend of some artifact that grants immorality. Joined by our guest Conrad, we stumble through a puzzle dungeon. Light on puzzles, heavy on chickens. What awaits in this mine or horrors? Why shouldn’t you open doors that say don’t open? What’s that clucking sound? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never play

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Botched is nothing if not predictable. Of course they run around touching everything imaginable to gain as many mutations possible. While of course, damning everyone they touch. Where exactly are they? They seem to be in a science lab. But, is the lab on Earth, or is it somewhere else? Is this the future or the present? Is there any danger touching things as many times as humanly possible? So, the table has 500 possible mutations. How bad could they be? What are they going to do to get out of this situation? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcas

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Well folks that’s a wrap for season 3! Now that it’s over you know what that means. In betweeners! Short stories until season 4 comes out. This story starts us out in a strange medical facility. A bunch of tube people coming out of a long sleep. There has been a terrible virus which has wiped out most of humanity. The party feels fine, but everyone else seems horrified to get anywhere close to them. Why are they in test tubes? What happened to humanity? Why aren't they allowed to people? What are frog eyes? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Are you guys ready for more torture porn? Just kidding, the group has more important things to do. The fate of the world is on the line after all. Having only gained a little information in that the spy they found was a decoy, the group has to figure out what to do next. However, they won’t have a lot of time to ponder as the final battle gets under way. The demons are attacking from all around and above, and even the skies seem to be against the Knights of the Phoenix. The only ones standing between The Warlock and the innocent people hiding in the stronghold are our fearless psychopaths…and Nachio Del Grande…and King Casey Diya…and an army of dinosaurs. What is the groups master plan? How can they stop the Warlock? What happens if they make it out alive? Where the hell are all the elves anyways? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dung

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! The guys are on a roll! They actually found out what the demon cultists’ plans are. After heading back to the stronghold of the Knights of the Phoenix they need to discover who the traitor is before they can enact their plan. Spirits are low amongst the population, but that doesn’t really mean much to our bullies, I mean group. They need to find the traitor before the crown of madness is put on Kory’s head. With the aid of King Casey Diya, they will begin their investigation on two fronts. How are they going to find the traitor? What are they going to do when they find who they think it is? Is the Geneva Convention a thing in this universe? What is the punishment for eating raptor meat? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If y

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! The guys could be setting a record for the most successful endeavor they’ve ever attempted. Granted, MOGAR, is about as sneaky as two feral cats in heat. MOGAR is also not the best at being intelligent, deceitful, convincing or really anything other than a screaming murder monster. The group is going to find out that this camp has a secret police who will interrogate them. Now, any other sane minded individual would have a better way to logic their way out…but this is Botched, and they’re a bunch of idiots. Will the group make it past the secret police? What sort of interrogation techniques do they use? Who are the leaders of this cult? Will all their names be Mexican foods? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a vet

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Holy shit the party actually managed to accomplish a goal! Who knew it was possible?! Now they have another goal. Can they make it two for two? The group must venture past enemy lines of demons to find the hidden encampment and figure out what the hell is going on in the world. However, outside of the safety of the forest there are hundreds and thousands of demons. The group must sneak (or not) through the hostile forces and find this mysterious encampment. Will the group manage to sneak around enough to find it? How will they manage to get by all the demons? What is in this encampment? How stupid is Mogar? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie w

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! The group must convince King Casey Dilla to join the Knights of the Phoenix army against the hordes of demons encroaching on one of the refuges. However, the King is a greased-up bro who has no interest in such things. The group has been invited to a party in the King’s honor. Our heroes however, are very overdressed. They will have to pick their favorite oils and get ready for an evening of partying and competition. Hann will receive a new title throughout the kingdom, and he will love it so very much. What is this title? Will the group convince the King to join them? What are the effects of eating so much wood? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a ne

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Four chapters down, one to go! Welcome to the last chapter of our third season. We start off with characters we have never met before, but in a semi-familiar place. The world is in complete chaos. Rips in the fabric of space time have opened around the world and people are being slaughtered left and right. The only safe place left in the world seems to be the Knights of the Phoenix stronghold as refugees pour in. The magical ley lines of the world are in disarray. Any attempt to use magic results in catastrophic results. Demons and monsters roam the world. Commander Nachio Del Grande assembles his generals to give out his last orders. If these missions are unsuccessful, the world as we know it will end. Who are these mysterious generals? What is the top-secret mission? Is there no other safe place in this world? What are the health benefits of eating wood? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and th

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! At last we have reached the end of this chapter of our story. The group continues to make their way upwards in their attempt to confront the one behind this chaotic castle. Getting there will be no easy task as this castle seems to constantly flip expectations. Good judgement has never been these players strong suit, but maybe, just maybe they will finally figure that out. Haha, yeah, I apologize for asserting such a ridiculous notion. Once they manage to reach the top of the tower, they are confronted with the cause behind the dome covering the world. What are the final hurdles on the way to the top of the tower? Who is the dastardly villain behind this castle? What is he up to and why? Is a hot dog really considered a sandwich? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to comple

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Poor brainless Zabub. Before the mindflayers it was just assumed that Zabub had no brains, but now it is confirmed. The group seems really broken up over his loss. If only they could find any other companion to replace him. What are the odds of that? Once the group deals with their mindflayer situation, they still have to contend with the rest of the tower. I’m sure they have very few traps or puzzles to go…right? What traps lay ahead of them? What is covered in hair, has a shiny ass, has a cocaine addiction and wants to sell you Oxyclean? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping game is all a

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! What do you know, Nobu must be a potato after all. Why else would his baby be a Mr. Potato Head. Granted, I’ve never had one that is alive and explodes, but hey, need to have some way to kill off guest characters. I guess that also means that Thurstone must really be a camel, because he pooped one out. Speaking of which, Thurstone should really get that pink sock of his looked at. The group still has this nasty medusa beholder thing to deal with, but assuming they make it out of there alive they will have to face their greatest nemesis once again. A DOOR! It never gets old having the party struggle hardest against the seemingly most simple of obstacles. Once they make their way further up the temple there is something lurking for them in the dark. What kind of problems will the traps and puzzles pose for the party? What is waiting for them in the dark places of the tower? What is closest to a potato, has an accent and doesn’t have a brain? Tune in and find out! Join in on t

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! A room full of pipes, and now the party at least knows what all the different colors mean. What are they again? Red for fire, blue for ice, purple for poison, yellow for acid, white for hallucinations, black for paranoia and green for if you want to get preggers. Speaking of preggers, Nobu is now expecting the pitter patter of whatever mutant is popping out of his…wait. Where would babies pop out of a dude? Well, he is about to be internally goatse’d or he’s going to have the biggest reverse catheter of all time. Unless of course, someone can pull off an emergency cesarean section. Assuming they get out of this pipe room alive, the group may run into a sight to behold. Then again, they really shouldn’t behold it if they know what’s good for them. What is the mysterious creature? What do you call a baby Nobu? No one else is going to touch a green pipe, right? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and